Poll showing religious teens are sexually active sparks rethink of when to have the talk

A survey of religious Zionist high school teens found that many who attend same-sex schools still engage in sexual activity and are more likely than their co-ed peers to have a romantic relationship with a member of the same sex.

The results, based on a questionnaire that made the round of over 1,000 high schoolers in Israel, have sent shockwaves through the religious Zionist community in Israel, where sexual health issues are often shunted to the margins.

Among the findings of the survey, University of Haifa PhD candidate Maor Kaplan found that though most respondents (56% of boys and 70% of girls) claimed to observe Orthodox religious strictures forbidding physical contact between the sexes, over two-thirds of respondents claimed to have been in a romantic relationship with the opposite sex and nearly as many admitted to physical contact, though only around a quarter of respondents said they had experienced intimate contact with someone of the other sex.

High numbers of both boys and girls reported masturbating, many of them regularly, as well as watching pornography.

According to Kaplan, many of these respondents attended schools where sex education would not be addressed until 12th grade and even then framed in the context of monogamous family life.

“My research shows that we cannot wait that long. We need to give teenagers the tools to navigate sexuality, including shame and guilt, and make sure that if they are ready to touch someone, they do it in the right way,” she said.

The online survey, which was passed around between students at Zionist religious high schools — often boarding schools — via WhatsApp and social media, was voluntarily filled out by 1,050 self-reported but anonymous teens.

Approximately 40% of respondents attended all-boys or all-girls schools, while the rest were in mixed institutions, including those that only have mixed classes for secular subjects.

Some 10% of those who took the survey reported having sexual contact with someone of the same sex, including kissing and intercourse. For those at same-sex schools, the figure rose to 13% of boys and 12% of girls, while only 7% of boys and 9% of girls at mixed schools reported the same experiences.

“What my research highlights is that also parents who send their kids to same-sex educational frameworks still need to talk about sexuality,” Kaplan said. “Sexual energy cannot be completely suppressed.”

Among the survey’s more surprising findings was that 39% of all female respondents said they had felt attracted to another girl, and 38% had questioned their sexual orientation, compared to 23% of boys for both questions.

Many religious Zionist communities, which are somewhat analogous to Modern Orthodox communities in the Diaspora, are places where homosexuality remains taboo, if not explicitly proscribed.

“Girls experience more ambiguity,” said Kaplan, who has worked in sex education for over a decade, including at all-girl religious boarding schools. “They are more likely to be confused about whether someone is only a good friend or more.”

She noted that the survey found those who attended gender-segregated schools were more likely to question their orientation than those at co-ed schools.

Kaplan, a mother of eight and member of the religious Zionist community herself, told The Times of Israel by phone that she had long noticed what appeared to be a stark dissonance between the religious parents’ conceptions of their kids and the reality the students actually inhabit.

“I was struck by the stark contrast between the private conversations I had with students and the complete silence on sexuality in classrooms and hallways. That’s when I realized how crucial it was to address the topic,” she said.

The Education Ministry said in a statement that students from all walks of life are taught sex education, with classes starting as young as first grade “as appropriate for the age and the cultural context while preserving community values.”

It listed several programs aimed specifically at the religious Zionist community, all of which it said were created by religious Zionist educators.

Kaplan countered that the classes focus on physical development and safety, with actual sexual health often not covered. Many schools also do not implement the programs until the 12th grade, when they become mandatory.

Trend lines

Kaplan’s poll, apparently the first of its kind, has not been published or peer-reviewed and its methodology lacks some of the scientific rigor necessary to draw more concrete conclusion, including the use of representative samples.

“We did the best we could with our resources, but I still think this survey gives us important trends,” said Kaplan.

Nonetheless, its findings have sparked some to rethink how religious Zionist communities approach the subject.

Last month, the survey was featured on the front page of the weekend supplement of Makor Rishon, a right-wing newspaper that is widely read by the religious Zionist community, stirring widespread discussion on social media.

“Both co-ed and same-sex education come with a price,” wrote Kibbutz Kvutzat Yavne Chief Rabbi Ilay Ofran in reaction to the piece to his 30,000 Facebook followers.

“The costs—especially in the sexual and physical realms—can be significant,” added Ofran, a founder of the pre-military boys’ religious academy Mechinat Ruach Hassadeh. “Yet most parents who send their children to a [all-boys] yeshiva high school or [all-girls] ulpana high school rarely spare a moment to consider, discuss, or guide them on these issues.”

Tehila Friedman, a former Blue and White lawmaker who currently heads the centrist policy institute Libba Center, said the survey had undermined any illusion that dividing students by gender was not a responsible or effective way of dealing with the issue.

“It’s clear that separated schools are not the ultimate tool for the religious effort to preserve intimacy within the framework of heterosexual marriage,” wrote Friedman, who formerly chaired the liberal Orthodox group Ne’emanei Torah va’Avodah.

Kaplan noted that the fact that the subject was even being talked about openly was an achievement.

“Too many parents think that if they do not talk about sex, it does not exist,” she said.

“When I started my work, I could not even use the word sexuality, so I spoke about womanhood,” Kaplan added. “Today, the conversation is much more legitimate.”

The researcher emphasized that communicating openly about sexuality reduces behaviors that she described as dangerous, such as sex with multiple partners, consumption of pornography and unwanted pregnancies.

“We in the religious education system cannot wait for teenagers to approach us,” she said. “We must intentionally create spaces that bring these contents into the discourse.”