US-Israeli maker of Boy Butter lubricant attempts record-length swim for Oct. 7 charity
On August 17, Eyal Feldman will paddle 16 miles nonstop across upstate New York’s Skaneateles Lake to benefit orphans in Israel who lost their parents in the Hamas onslaught
Reporter at The Times of Israel
When Eyal Feldman dives into Skaneateles Lake on August 17 for one of his Holy Moly charity swims, he’ll sport his usual speedo and goggles, and smear some Vaseline under his arms to prevent chafing. But this time he’ll also be sporting a temporary Israeli flag tattoo on his left shoulder.
At 16 miles, the swim in the upstate New York lake will be Feldman’s longest nonstop swim yet. It will also be one of the American-Israeli’s most personal. This time, Feldman is raising money for the Israel-based nonprofit “Our Children Our War.” The charity provides immediate and long-term support to the 50 Israeli orphans who lost both their parents as a result of the October 7 Hamas terror onslaught, in which 1,200 people in southern Israel were murdered and 251 kidnapped to the Gaza Strip.
“I like to do things that are intimate, different, and make a difference. They provide a dedicated social worker for each and every kid. Each and every kid will have almost like a fairy godmother or godfather taking care of their needs their whole life. It is the most beautiful thing,” Feldman, 47, said in a Zoom interview from Fire Island Pines, where he and his husband are on vacation.
Feldman has also made a difference with his day job as founder and CEO of Boy Butter, a personal lubricant that according to the website is suitable for “men, women and everyone in fact.”
“It’s now a raging success,” Feldman said.
It’s certainly become part of the cultural zeitgeist.
Since launching the product with a $100,000 loan from his parents more than 20 years ago, Boy Butter has glided into popular culture — including being mentioned on the last episode of “Sex in the City” and advertised on ESPN and “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
Feldman was born in Petah Tikva and moved with his parents to Los Angeles in 1980 when he was three. Also fluent in Hebrew and Spanish, he now calls Manhattan home.
Feldman started his Holy Moly Marathon swims as a way to spend time with family and friends while also doing a mitzvah. His first such swim was in 2008 when he swam across the St. Lawrence River from Watertown, New York, to Canada and back to raise money for SAGE – Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders.
“I swam with a passport in the safety boat and at some random dock I heard, ‘Hello, can I help you?’ I’m here from America! Hi!” Feldman said.
Since then, Feldman’s swims have included freestyling his way down the Chicago River and across the Sea of Galilee in Israel. In July 2023, Feldman swam 12 miles nonstop across Lake Constance from Germany to Switzerland to Austria and back in 7 hours and 45 minutes.
“I just wanted to be the first Jew to swim back to Germany in 75 years!” he said, adding that he raised over $8,000 for a holiday food drive, which helped feed over 350 families in Paranaiguara, Brazil.
So long as the weather holds on swim day, Feldman’s husband Brendan will be driving the safety boat alongside him. Several family and friends will also be aboard to help document the day.
In the end, it’s a thing that brings family, friends, fitness and faith together, Feldman said.
“I just want to bring everyone together, do a charity thing, and just have fun. It’s a way to multiply the mitzvahs and make some good news. We need good news,” he said.
The following interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.
The Times of Israel: How did your connection to Israel and October 7 play into this year’s charity selection?
Eyal Feldman: My parents happened to be in Israel during October 7 and it was really traumatic; not just the pogrom that happened, but the fact that my parents were there.
All the flights were canceled and I didn’t know what to do. You just had to wait. I have friends who work in the government but nobody could help. The State Department position was, fly to Greece and get yourself home. It was really crazy.
After that, I wanted to help my extended family who lives there. My cousin, who is 20, is in the Navy. He’s been fighting for 10 months, keeping the perimeter around Gaza safe. I think about what he’s had to do, and so I wanted to figure out what I could do.
Last March I decided to do a volunteer mission. I joined Swords of Iron on Facebook and went to Israel. I worked at a soup kitchen, washed dishes there, restocked the kitchen, fed soldiers, and picked strawberries. That week in Israel was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done but I wanted to do more so I came up with this swim.
How did you first get into marathon swimming?
In high school and college [at the University of California, San Diego] I played water polo and was on the swim team. During college, I was on both teams but I also joined some gay water polo club teams. In 1998 I was one of the youngest competitors in the Gay Games in the Netherlands. I represented Israel and won a silver and two bronze medals.
I continued playing in those clubs, but when I turned 38, I started wondering if I could keep up with the kids. So I started doing laps like a normal person and realized, “Why do I need to stop and rest on the wall?” So I started swimming and not stopping. I started thinking, this is really cool, and I was swimming two miles a day, which is one hour. And then I thought I could do more, and so then I was doing four miles a day. It’s meditative.
How do you select the lakes for the charity swims?
I like interesting places that I can bring my family to; I love to do the swim with family there.
I also like borders. Like for the Lake Constance swim I went from Germany to Switzerland to Austria. For the Hoover Dam swim I went from Arizona to Nevada. The swim also has to be longer than the year before.
How did you select Skaneateles Lake?
My husband’s uncle lived in Rochester, New York. When he passed away we went to the funeral in Rochester and drove by Skaneateles. There are 2,000 lakes in New York and I have never seen a more beautiful lake than Skaneateles; it’s clear like an Evian bottle and part of the bottom is turquoise. I was like “Where are we? The Cayman Islands?” And the town is like a Gilded Age town that never faded. It is the most charming place. Also, the family in New York can come and we can make a weekend of it.
What is the scariest or most uncomfortable moment you’ve had while doing a Holy Moly swim?
The hardest for me was the 2012 nine-mile swim I did in Hawaii from Lanai to Maui. It was open water. We had a proper boat with sonar, a harpoon gun, and shark repellent. I know shark attacks are rare, so I wasn’t scared about that. I was just thinking about the swim.
But from the moment I got in the water I was covered in jellyfish burns. You don’t see them, but they’re everywhere. All I heard while I was swimming nonstop for five-and-a-half hours was the sound like when you pour milk into a bowl of Rice Krispies. You just hear this crackle. I was being chemically burned for five hours. At the end when I reached Lahaina I was weeping, I was so stressed out.
What was it like to come out as gay in the mid-1990s?
I have been out of the closet and proud since 1994 when I was in 10th grade. I told my parents first and they were like, “We love you no matter what, just remember not everyone is as mature and can handle it, so it’s telling people you can trust.” And that was just great advice.
It was like 80 percent Jewish in my school and nobody cared. I didn’t feel homophobia, I felt physically safe; I was the biggest kid around. I was 6’7” and 230 pounds even then. But everyone was really supportive.
As a proud American-Israeli who wore a Star of David necklace on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” have you encountered much antisemitism or anti-Israel sentiment in the LGBTQ community since October 7?
I have always been very open about my identity. I’m actually in Fire Island now and we have an Israeli flag waving on the top of our house. For the most part, I would say gays and lesbians are pretty much pro-Israel and people have been supportive. There are loud squeaky people on the fringes of the alphabet community, so it’s out there. However, I have not experienced it.
But there have been friends, or acquaintances, in my life who I have known for years who basically dropped me. These are like straight people, who suddenly don’t want to have anything to do with me as if I am conducting the war myself.
Tell me a little bit about Boy Butter, the business you started out of your parents’ house.
I created that product 21 years ago. I wanted to create an adult product but present it as a grocery product so that nobody would be embarrassed about it. At the time there was a lot of shame around sexuality. People really loved it.
Since then our puritanical culture has waned. Lubricants have gone from being sold in adult stores to supermarket shelves. It’s sold like any body lotion now, although the kitsch value of the product is still there. We actually get a lot of mentions on HBO. It got mentioned on the last episode of “Sex and the City.”
It’s my full-time job, I love it. I do a lot of trade shows and I always wear my Star of David. People know I’m Israeli and they’ll even ask if it’s kosher.
