‘I can’t breathe anymore’: At Knesset, emotional hostage relatives beg for better care
Survey of families shows many are suffering mentally, neglecting their health, with friends and families also deeply affected; relatives say far too little is being done to help
Renee Ghert-Zand is the health reporter and a feature writer for The Times of Israel.
Members of the Knesset Health Committee heard on Monday, the 150th day of the war in Gaza, about the severely deteriorated health of family members of hostages held by Hamas and other terrorist groups in Gaza since October 7.
Data and testimonies given at the heated two-hour session made clear that efforts of government agencies, the military, and citizen groups to support the physical and mental health needs of the families have been insufficient.
Members of hostages’ families painted the system cobbled together by government ministries and agencies after the Hamas massacres as disorganized, overly bureaucratic, and reactive, rather than strategic and proactive.
Recognizing the need for lifelong professional care for those affected, many called for the prompt establishment by law of a permanent national administration for hostages and their families.
“My wife and daughter [Sharon and Noam] were released from captivity [on November 25], but I am still suffering physically and emotionally. I have lost eight kilos (17 pounds). I’m smoking more than in the past and am taking more drugs. I have ongoing sleep problems and am unable to work,” said Hen Avigdori.
Avigdori’s testimony is reflected in survey data collected by Maccabi Healthcare Services and the health and resilience committee of the Hostages and Missing Families Forum in January.
The survey compared the self-reported information of female relatives of hostages to that of female forum volunteers and female Maccabi members from the general population. Eighty percent of family members said they felt their health had declined — twice the percentage of general Maccabi members. Eighty-three percent responded that they had missed medical appointments and neglected to go for tests ordered by their doctor.
Twenty-one percent of the relatives said they had lost a significant amount of weight, a number 10 times higher than the general population.
“How can I feel hungry or think about eating when I am always thinking about how my son is hungry all the time [in Gaza]?” Shelly Shem-Tov, whose 21-year-old son Omer was kidnapped from the Supernova music festival, told the panel.
Dr. Eran Rotman, head of health services at Maccabi, said that 96% of hostages’ families are experiencing a downturn in their mental health, with two-thirds of them reporting that the decline has been moderate to severe. These same respondents said their mental health had been good or excellent before the war.
The family members’ use of medications for anxiety and depression doubled, and 93% said they had trouble sleeping, with 14% reporting they were using sleep aids.
“It’s important to also note that forum volunteers also reported problems with their physical and mental health. This is taking a huge toll on everyone involved,” Rotman said.
MK Karin Elharar said it was important to have these numbers and stressed how important it was to care for the families.
“The families need to be healthy so they can take care of their loved ones when they return from captivity,” she said.
Representatives of the Defense Ministry described a system — now under the aegis of the Prime Minister’s Office — whereby each hostage family is assigned an IDF liaison officer and a civilian liaison. The representatives claimed that they had mapped out the health, welfare, and employment needs of each family.
“We have received 60,000 requests for help from the families and 500 of them have had to do with health and mental health,” said Josh Lawson of the IDF Medical Corps. “We have Health Ministry representatives working with us on this so that we can shorten the time it takes to get a doctor’s appointment or medical equipment for a family member.”
Lawson admitted that not all the families who had asked for mental health support had received it yet.
At that point, Nisan Calderon, who survived the onslaught at Kibbutz Sufa and whose brother Ofer Calderon is being held in Gaza, cried out in fury against this reactive approach.
“It has been 150 days and no one from the government has contacted me. I have had to support my brother’s wife and kids plus my own family. I don’t eat or sleep. Two weeks ago I almost killed myself. I can’t breathe anymore!” Calderon shouted in despair.
Another woman said the last time any official had reached out to her was in December.
Some of the family members said they did not have the capacity or were afraid to even think about what they needed and to reach out for help. For those who do want help, the lack of regular and frequent check-ins by liaisons leaves them unsure of where to turn.
“I am appreciative to all those who have helped me, my family, and the others, but there must be a single address for all the hostages’ families and there needs to be a lot more manpower assigned to this,” Avigdori said.
“This is a very complicated situation with each family having its own traumatic experience with not only the kidnapping, but possibly also murder, displacement [from their homes], and more,” Avigdori said.
Many at the meeting expressed anger at the lack of recognition of the impact of the October 7 events on extended family members who, while suffering themselves, have had to step up to help exhausted and extremely stressed first-degree relatives keep functioning.
“More distant relatives like cousins, uncles and aunts, grandparents, and grandchildren must be officially recognized as needing support. Even neighbors and friends of hostages have been deeply affected,” said Prof. Hagai Levine, head of the health and resilience committee of the Hostages and Missing Families Forum.
A cousin of hostage Tal Shoham recounted that her request for expedited psychological counseling from Maccabi had been rejected.
The government’s October 22 decision to recognize hostages’ family members as equivalent to family members of victims of terror has resulted in National Insurance payments for parents, children, siblings, and life partners — but not to those in the “second circle” who may be losing income or otherwise need financial support.
Gil Dickman, cousin of hostage Carmel Gat, expressed frustration that many of the issues that came up in Monday’s meeting had already been discussed in a Health Committee session in November.
“Are we going to be back here in another few months talking about the same things and how they haven’t been done?” Dickman wondered angrily.
