Larry David takes aim at DSA’s anti-Israel agenda and far-left platform

Larry David, a vocal supporter of the US Democratic Party, has a long history of political satire mocking the rival Republicans, including the current GOP leader Donald Trump.

But in a new satirical essay, the target is a lot closer to home and riskier — the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA).

The column, published in the Air Mail digital magazine, takes aim at the DSA’s far-left anti-capitalist platform, including its staunch pro-Palestinian, anti-Israel agenda that calls for a “right of return” for Palestinians and an end to all military and economic aid to Israel.

David, the creator of Curb Your Enthusiasm and co-creator of Seinfeld, presented a series of exaggerated ideas he says he proposed and have been adopted by the DSA, starting off with suggestions that “all doors to private homes must remain unlocked at all times,” and that “anyone will be able to enter our country if they choose to do so and will be welcomed by a marching band.”

He then proceeded to propose closing all jails and releasing all prisoners, with the public “encouraged to give them a pat on the back, offer some words of encouragement, and maybe even get them to open up about their crimes.” He says the police force “will be dramatically reduced to where an officer’s only job will be to adjudicate domestic disputes.”

He then turned to Israel and Jews.

“Jews will no longer be allowed to refer to themselves as ‘the Chosen People.’ Henceforth, their new nickname will be ‘the Bagel People,'” he wrote.

“We strongly believe in a two-state solution,” he continued. “To this end, we propose that Palestinians should be given all the land currently occupied by Israel and that Israel should be given Pitcairn Island in the South Pacific, where the weather is beautiful and grapefruits are aplenty. We think the Bagel People will be very happy there.”

Regarding Muslims, David said: “We’ll require that all Caucasian women wear a hijab on weekends in solidarity with their Muslim sisters.”

After adding more outlandish suggestions such as a license for people who identify as animals to “relieve themselves wherever they choose to,” a three-week bereavement period for dead pets, a lottery for white people to be selected as slaves for Black families and a ban on firing employees, David ended the column by appearing to anticipate the ensuing backlash.

“We Democratic Socialists love to laugh… but not at the expense of others,” he wrote. “Consequently, any comedian who is responsible for causing emotional discomfort in any way will be sent to a facility where they will be re-programmed and hopefully emerge with a greater awareness of the sensitivities of their fellow citizens. If, however, the re-programming is unsuccessful, the repeat offender will be sent to Pitcairn Island to live with the Bagel People.”

He concluded with a Karl Marx quote.

“Our ideals can be summed up by a great philosopher who once said, ‘From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.’ We hope you’ll consider joining.”

The anticipated backlash indeed followed, with Reddit awash with comments mocking the 79-year-old as a “boomer,” slamming him as a “Zionist POS,” and casting the column as unfunny and racist.

“I don’t know if Larry is on top of his comedic game right now,” one commenter told The New York Times.

“Someone take the phone from gramps,” wrote another.