It’s almost Valentine’s Day again. Concerned you can’t find a date? Tried all the traditional ways of finding a date but still lucked out? We have a few tips on how to score that last-minute Valentine’s for Jewish singles.
Make a Facebook Page asking someone famous to go out with you on a romantic Valentine’s Day date.
Did you know that Mila Kunis and Kate Upton were convinced by some regular dudes, guys like you and me, to be their prom dates – via social media! Did you also know that Bar Rafaeli is having problems finding a date? Boy or girl, who wouldn’t want to go on a date with the hottest model on the planet, who happens to be Israeli? Now’s your chance! Create a Facebook Page titled ‘If I get 1,000,000 likes, Bar Rafaeli Will Maybe Probably Go On a Date With Me.’ #LonelyVDay
Bubbie’s Old Age Home
Sometimes the best place to find a date is the place you’d least expect: Your Bubbe’s Mahjong night. It’s all about the people you know, and your Bubbe knows lots of other Bubbes who have lots of single grandchildren. Just prepare to have your cheeks pinched for a good hour. “Oy! Do I have a beautiful granddaughter for you!”
Attend Synagogue Services the Shabbat before Valentine’s Day
You haven’t been to a synagogue in months, and now is the time to go. No, I don’t mean you should pray for a Valentine’s Date. G-D isn’t concerned with such trivial secular holidays. Jewish singles have been meeting at Temple for generations. And, as the world would have it, V-Day falls on Friday night this year. Coincidence? I think not. So take a peek over the divider, and find a suitable Valentine’s date.
Listen, it’s not THAT weird to take your cousin to prom with you, so why not go out with them on V-Day? You’re not marrying them, so what’s the issue? Talk about all the dirty laundry your side of the family is currently airing out. Then use your cousin as a wingman/wingwoman. We won’t tell on you.
Respond to missed connections on Craigslist
Is there anything more desperate than someone who can’t say hi, or talk to a stranger on the street? Is there anything more desperate than this same person who instead, proceeds to write a plea to find that stranger, on a random Missed Connections ad, even though there is less than zero chance that person will actually read it? Yes, there is something more desperate – you! Or to be clearer, you responding to missed connections that clearly aren’t written for you. We know you’re not a 7 foot tall Austrian body builder – and while it’s weird, we encourage you to go ahead and pretend to be, if it will get you a V-Day date.
Try Internet Dating
Interested in Jewish dating but too busy to pick up girls at Synagogue? Don’t have time to visit your bubbe? (Shame on you!) Create a free profile on Jewcier! Stop kvetching, start dating!
(Here’s our shameless product plug, we promise the rest of this paragraph will be funny).
It’s free to join, but we all know your mother will pay for it if you ask. Thousands of profiles of single Jews, all of whom look a little like that kid you sat next to in high school algebra. Sign up today!
Ask your friends / Matchmaker / Shidduch
Ask your coupled friends if they know anyone single. Coupled friends love playing matchmaker. One time my coupled friends even tried to set up my toaster with my microwave. Asking friends for help is a bit of a mixed bag. Pro: They know who will be good for you, since they are your best friends. Con: There is no one good for you, and you’re probably going to end up ruining everyone’s friendship.
Birthright is a great way to meet other Jews and to try to hook up with them. It’s pretty much why the program exists. Everyone who has traveled to Masada with a bunch of strangers knows that the best hooking up happens post-Birthright. Now’s the time to cash in with that boy who was in a committed relationship but held your hand! Or the girl who got just a little too drunk the last night!
Just take yourself out
Screw everyone and everything. Do you. Take yourself out for a nice night on the town. Do what you love, even if that includes an expensive dinner, excessive drinking, and crying about how lonely you are. You deserve this night more than anyone. YOU’RE THE BEST. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet some other single people looking to #YOLO the night away.