My ‘for-now’ bashert

It was a dark and dreary Christmas season in LA. The rain just wouldn’t stop. My (non-Jewish) live-in boyfriend of 3 1/2 years had just unceremoniously dumped me. I had been divorced for a scant four years. My Jewish ex-husband had remarried — a “real” Jewish woman. I had converted, you see, and had never quite felt really Jewish, and I was certain that he was happier with his new wife. I felt like I had only been a substitute for the real thing.

I was bereft and alone. But somehow I knew during that bleak holiday season, that the painful breakup was for a reason: Somewhere out there, my bashert was waiting for me. I knew he wasn’t in Los Angeles, but I didn’t know where he was. I only knew that I knew what bashert meant — my fated beloved — and I knew I had one, somewhere. And I wouldn’t be a substitute for the real thing. I would be the real thing. As clouds flitted over the moon that sad, lonely New Year’s Eve, and cast Los Angeles in fleeting light, I wondered where my bashert was. What was he doing right now?

Was he looking at the same moon?

Seven years later, I made aliya. And meeting my bashert was not on my to-do list. No, I had to find a flat and learn Hebrew and try to get acculturated. But I met him only two weeks later. I was surprised and yet… it all made sense. He was bashert in every sense. We met through a series of random events, any one of which could easily have gone another way.

I had been a member of Jdate and OkCupid and had filled out every personality test, every form — and yet my bashert and I were total strangers who couldn’t be a better match. Though he is a Sabra, he is starting over at this point in his life — reinventing himself — and as an olah, so am I.

I worked in the entertainment industry and am a huge movie buff. So is he. We laugh at the same things, we have the same sensibilities about almost everything. Despite cultural and age differences, we are totally simpatico. No personality test could have predicted that we would be such a great fit.

He is 14 years younger than me (bashert red flag), he has not married or had children, and I have (bashert red flag).

I asked him: “What were you doing on New Year’s Eve, 2005?”

He answered: “I was at a club in New York City, why?”

Oh. Not exactly the moon-gazing, heart-searching moment I had envisioned.

But we love each other and we live our lives together, side by side. I have never been in a happier, more realized, more evolved relationship than I am right now. I don’t know how long it will last and I’m not sure that I care. For now, we are living in the moment, sharing love and laughter and our lives.

On this Tu B’Av, I have a “for-now” bashert. And I am happy.

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Read more Tu B’Av tales here.

A regular blogger for The Huffington Post, Julie is a story consultant and writer’s coach. Her blog Just Effing Entertain Me was voted one of the top screenwriting blogs by MovieMaker Magazine. Julie lives in Tel Aviv where is working on a memoir.  Her book “I am Not Myself” is available on Amazon.

Have you found your bashert? Please share your story with us at social@timesofisrael.com, and we may feature it in our Times of Israel Tu B’Av Special.