Too many bums, not enough chairs

Politics in Israel is a lot like painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Just when you wrap up one crisis, a new issue pops up and you are right back where you started.

So it is that on Friday morning, a day and change after Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu secured his coalition, the papers turn their focus to his newest headache, the battle within Likud over who will be appointed to some 12-odd ministries.

And lest you think inter-party battles are somehow less fierce, a glance at Friday’s headlines shows that the claws in this fight are no less sharp, at least if the hyperbole is to be believed.

“Record tensions in Likud ahead of distribution of government portfolios,” reads the main headline of Israel Hayom, while Yedioth Ahronoth hawks the “Battle over portfolios.”

Why all the drama over the fussing and fighting? Too many bums, too few chairs.

Israel Hayom reports that no fewer than 12 Likud politicians will be fighting over seven ministerial slots, with five already reserved, such as Moshe Ya’alon as defense minister, though Yedioth reports that they’ll have their pick of 11, with only three already reserved.

Haaretz doesn’t hazard a guess, but reports that Netanyahu will look to up the amount of deputy ministers and may also give an MK a senior Foreign Ministry post, like UN ambassador, to increase how many sweetheart jobs he can hand out.

Still, with everybody expecting something, it may not be enough.

“Senior officials in the party are threatening a crisis if they are not happy with the posts they get,” Israel Hayom reports, adding that Netanyahu will have until Monday to play musical chairs and then tell the MKs which ministry they have won. Even with a razor-thin majority that will allow the government to be easily toppled, it seems the party doesn’t plan on caving to recalcitrant lawmakers’ demands. “Anyone who threatens is just issuing fruitless threats,” a chorus of Likud sources is quoted as saying. “Nobody here is going to lift a hand to collapse the government.”

Columnist Dan Margalit estimates in the tabloid that the Likud caviling won’t evolve into a full-blown mutiny, but he says things won’t be easy for Netanyahu over the next few days (and also gives hope to any Hezbollah martyrs who might dream of being deputy welfare minister).

“It’s safe to assume that six Likud ministers will get their portfolios, some happily and some bitterly. Another three are certain candidates, including the two heads of the coalition negotiations, Ze’ev Elkin and Yariv Levin, who have no reason to be proud of their modest achievements. And also Miri Regev,” he writes. “After that another six candidates (including [Ayoub] Kara), will be going after three spots, and there will be another two Knesset committees to hand out, and only those who are politically self-destructive like a Shi’ite suicide bomber will get a deputy minister post. What can Netanyahu do, he got himself into this mess. Give the three ministerial posts in a rotation between the six colleagues and determine priority with the flip of a coin.”

In Yedioth Ahronoth, columnist Yoaz Hendel writes about the political isolation Netanyahu is experiencing, without even a friend to sit and have coffee with.

“He’s a smart man with one of the most important jobs in the world, but is lacking friends who can sit with him for a few minutes and talk,” writes Hendel, who, as a former Netanyahu aide, should know. “It happens. Netanyahu is not alone. A good leader doesn’t need to be someone everyone loves and enjoys being around. There are leaders in history who did great things without a lot of friends. And in general, a successful politician doesn’t necessarily need to have character or even good looks, he needs to be able to move people. But without coffee time, it’s all for naught.”

Things don’t look much better for Netanyahu in Haaretz, where he is depicted as a rug being trampled on by Jewish Home head Naftali Bennett in a front-page cartoon (and is joined by a cartoon of his wife playing the part of a leopard print rug inside the broadsheet). In case the caricature isn’t worth a thousand words, columnist Yossi Verter spills that — and then some — in waxing poetic on Netanyahu’s big loss.

“The coalition talks, which on March 18 looked like they’d be a walk in the park, appeared on Wednesday like the final trek in commando training, sweat blisters and all. Likud and its leader, the “big winner” in the 2015 election, emerged bruised and battered, with a ministerial haul similar to what they had in the previous Knesset, when they held 10 fewer seats,” he writes. “The price Netanyahu paid for a narrow government is the same as he would have paid for a national unity government of 85 MKs. Not everyone can pull off a stunt like that.”

Much of Netanyahu’s pain in his tuchus stems from the decision of one Avigdor Liberman, whose choice to stay out of the coalition left Netanyahu weaker in coalition talks, and now clinging to a rickety 61-seat government for dear life.

Israel Hayom, the ostensible voice of Netanyahu, shows it’s not bitter at all, with a headline for its weekend extra section reading simply “Government (despite Liberman)” and accompanied by photos of the five heads of the coalition parties smiling, while the former foreign minister scowls.

Columnist Motti Tuchfeld, quoting the now oft-mentioned fact that Yitzhak Rabin signed the Oslo Accords with a 62-seat government, even tries to find the silver lining in the situation.

“Indeed, the government teetering on a single vote is described as one that will constantly be on the edge, with a constant fear that it will topple to the wrong side of the fence, and with a weekly battle over every bill and every proposal, yet a government like this can also turn into a stable government, where every MK understands that he can bring about its fall.”