Parents of Sgt. Itay Chen say they cannot grieve until they are sure their son is dead

Speaking during a Zoom press conference, Hagit and Ruby Chen, the parents of Sgt. Itay Chen, 19, say they cannot grieve until they are sure their son, a tank crew member, was killed by Hamas on October 7.

“One day, you wake up, and your child disappears,” says Ruby. “It isn’t something that you can process.”

Chen was originally listed as one of the 253 hostages abducted by the terror group on October 7. Based on findings and intelligence information, the army’s chief rabbi declared Chen’s death in March 2024.

“We cannot sit Shiva, and we cannot start to mourn,” says Hagit. “We were told there is information that Itay is not alive, and as far as Israel is concerned, Itay is not alive. But they didn’t bring me anything physical to see that he is not alive, so I cannot acknowledge that. I still pray that they are wrong and it’s a mistake.”

At the conference, Dr. Einat Yehene, Senior Rehabilitation Psychologist at the Hostages Families Forum and Prof. Hagai Levine, Head of the Health Team at the Hostages Families Forum, present some of their findings from their research paper, “Bereavement in Uncertainty: The Health of Families of Deceased Hostages – Challenges, Needs, and Recommendations.”

Yehene speaks about “disordered bereavement.”

“The death of the hostages” is occurring under “traumatic and violent and sudden circumstances, which is known in the psychology of bereavement to really extract a toll,” she says.

“Not knowing what happened to loved ones also causes disordered bereavement,” says Yehene. “Not having a chance to say goodbye or see people also impedes the way of grieving properly.”

“Tomorrow will be “very painful,” says Yehene. “But we will not be able to start the grieving process as family members and as a nation until the last hostages, dead or alive, come back.”