Struggling with a new reality, the war’s 260 new widows find support in a new sisterhood
The IDF Widows and Orphans Organization’s ‘Stronger than the Wind’ event offers ways for widows to heal their hearts and find joy even though they’re ‘devastated’
Reporter at The Times of Israel
More than 180 women gathered at an IDF Widows and Orphans Organization (IDFWO) conference in Kfar Saba in central Israel on Tuesday to discuss what seems like a painful and impossible task: how to continue their lives as fresh widows, now defined by the aching loss of their spouses.
Spouses of soldiers, police, and special forces across the broad spectrum of Israeli society – religious and secular Jews, Bedouins, Druze, Muslims, and Christians – have become widows in the war against Hamas, which began on October 7 when thousands of Hamas-led terrorists stormed into Israel, killing some 1,200 people and taking 251 hostages, of whom 97 remain held in Gaza.
“The IDFWO takes care of us and does everything with so much sensitivity and caring because they want us to be okay,” Dafna Russo, whose husband, Uri Shimon Russo, 44, was killed defending Kibbutz Kfar Aza from terrorists during the initial Hamas assault on October 7, told The Times of Israel. “They want us to lead meaningful lives, although we’re devastated.”
The one-day event, called “Stronger than the Wind: Embrace, Strengthen and Support,” provided the widows — some who came with newborn babies — the opportunity to be with other women “who are the only ones who understand what we’re going through,” said Ayelet Sivan, whose husband, Bar Sivan, a member of the Border Police elite counter-terrorism unit Yamam, was killed on October 7.
The IDFWO, founded in 1991, receives funding from both the government and private donors, but operates independently to support and empower “the widows and orphans of fallen servicemen of the IDF and other security personnel, and to create a supportive community for bereaved families,” according to the group’s website.
The organization provides a variety of year-round activities, including kids’ camps, which Russo’s two oldest daughters attended, as well as support groups and care packages for the holidays.
The conference opened with an IDF music group singing “Stronger than the Wind,” which summed up the event’s theme, followed by a video welcome from actress Noa Tishby, whose mother was also an IDF widow.
“My mother’s first husband fell in 1969, and his plane was never found,” Tishby said. “He is still missing to this day.”
She reminded the women that although their spouses “fell while fighting heroically, the heroism is yours. You are all superheroes.”
Finding light in the darkness
IDFWO chair Tami Shelach, whose husband, pilot Lt. Col. Ehud Shelach, was shot down and killed over Egypt during the first days of the Yom Kippur War in 1973, told the widows that they are “role models for the nation, and together we will step toward light, hope, and the horizon.”
“It was the blackest October in Israel’s history,” Shelach said, yet in the presentation that followed, speaker Yana Darom stressed the importance of using humor as a way to “find a point of light in the middle of the darkness.”
Attendees laughed as Darom told the widows, “If you can get something from any institution, get what you can: a Tesla, jewelry from H. Stern . . . You can use the phrase, ‘I’m a widow.’”
She added how important it is to have good, supportive friends, joking, “Your good friends should be like bras, they should pick you up.”
Sharing her personal experiences was Sivan Zada, who became an IDF widow in 2007 when her husband, Shahar, was killed as a soldier in Gaza.
“When he was alive, he loved working in the garden, and he always told me to come outside, but I never did,” she recounted. After Shahar was killed, she started to work in the garden; digging one day in the dirt, she found a root that resembled a heart.
“That was a sign,” Zada said. “Shahar knew a secret about me that I didn’t even know.” She went on to study horticulture and started a plant business.
She told the audience she hoped they would find “the strength to blossom and grow.”
Ilanit Levi, a former Miss Israel, was the master of ceremonies of the emotional event. Speakers included Efrat Leket, who runs an organization that trains and supports mothers; journalist Sivan Rahav Meir; and celebrity chef Eyal Shani, who spoke about comforting foods. The conference ended with a moving performance by singer Miri Mesika.
Missing for a week
In between tears, Tali Gdif, 28, told The Times of Israel about her husband, Mulugeta Gdif, 29, a police officer who was killed on October 7 in Kibbutz Be’eri with six other police officers when a Hamas-fired RPG hit their two vehicles.
Tali said she and her family searched for signs of him for a week.
“His phone rang and rang, but he never answered,” she said. She had no idea where he was or what happened to him. The army notified her of his death only after his body was identified through DNA.
“He was a fighter, and I was so sure he would survive,” Tali said.
At the conference with her sister, Taga, Tali said their daughter, Eliya, 16 months old, cries, “Abba, Abba,” (Daddy, Daddy) whenever she sees his photograph.
She said that IDFWO events give her comfort.
“It’s like they give us a big hug,” she said, helping her to answer questions like, “How do I explain things to my daughter?”
‘It happened so fast’
In a phone conversation before the conference, Dafna Russo recounted what happened on the morning of October 7 in Kibbutz Kfar Aza, about a kilometer and a half (one mile) from northern Gaza, after a siren rang at 6:30 a.m.
Dafna’s husband, Uri, a mechanical engineer and member of the kibbutz emergency response team, received phone messages reporting that there were terrorists in the kibbutz.
He dressed and bicycled to the armory, where he got his M-16. While Dafna and their three daughters, Maya, 13, Alona, 11, and Ye’ela, 9, hid in the family safe room for 14 hours, dozens of Hamas Nukhba terrorists rampaged through the kibbutz, slaughtering those they found.
At the end of the massacre, 61 people were dead. Uri was killed battling the terrorists.
“It happened so fast,” Dafna said.
The kibbutz also saw 19 people abducted to Gaza as hostages that day. Two were killed in captivity, and 11 were freed as part of a weeklong ceasefire in November. Five are still hostages in Gaza: Doron Steinbrecher, Emily Damari, Keith Segal, and the twins Ziv and Gali Berman.
Uri was posthumously recognized as a fallen soldier by the IDF with a rank of major in the reserves.
Dafna said that she and her three daughters “lost their house, lost everything,” and are now living in a town in central Israel where, she said, “we have to start our lives anew.”
“My parents died when I was young, so I know how to be an orphan,” Dafna said. “But I don’t know how to be a widow. I’m getting to know new levels of hurt and suffering and loneliness.”
‘Don’t give up’
Ayelet Sivan, 30, told The Times of Israel it was important to talk about her husband, Bar, 33. Bar died “a hero,” she said.
Ayelet said that Bar wasn’t on duty on October 7, but as soon as he saw an alert at 6:30, he left their home in Tel Aviv and drove south with three other Yamam police officers until they reached Sha’ar Hanegev Junction on Route 34.
“There were 16 Hamas terrorists hiding at the junction, killing everyone who was fleeing the south,” Ayelet said. “Bar and the other officers knew they had to take back the junction.”
Bar fought until he ran out of ammunition and was fatally wounded in the battle there, Ayelet said.
In his final phone message, he wrote her, “I love you the most in the world.”
Two other officers, Moshe El Shlomo and Dror Elton, were killed with him, and she said they died “hugging and protecting each other.”
“I’m broken,” she admitted. “It’s so hard.”
This past spring, she went to the Secret Forest in Cyprus for a five-day healing retreat sponsored by the IDFWO for childless widows.
There, she met three other young widows who have since become her closest friends.
On days when she can’t get out of bed, “I call them, and they pick me up.”
She said she always hears Bar’s voice telling her, “Don’t surrender, don’t lose faith, and don’t give up.”
