Thanks, Netanyahu

With the Iran nuclear deal all but clinched by late Monday night, the Hebrew press ramps up the anticipation, knowing full well that late-morning readers may find the reports outdated (as it appears they are).

“Western diplomats last night assessed that the announcement by the foreign ministers would be made overnight, followed by a press conference. At the moment this paper went to print, it was not clear if the sides indeed managed to reach a deal,” Haaretz reports.

With an accord in sight, some Israeli politicians revert to name-calling and accusations, pointing a finger at Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as the culprit responsible for the “dangerous” deal.

Kicking off the blame game, Yedioth Ahronoth features comments by Zionist Union leader Isaac Herzog, and Yesh Atid leader Yair Lapid who criticize the deal as Netanyahu’s personal failing.

“Although the coalition and opposition share the conclusion that this is a deal that is dangerous to Israel — in the opposition, an accusatory finger was pointed at Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu,” Yedioth reports.

In Israel Hayom, columnist Haim Shine rushes to Netanyahu’s defense.

“Isaac Herzog and Yair Lapid, in blaming Benjamin Netanyahu for the US signing a deal with Iran, proved unequivocally what the public has known even before the last election. The two are political wheeler-dealers stirring the pot for the sake of short-lived headlines,” he writes.

“At this time, Netanyahu is gearing up for a huge fight for the state’s future and security. Anyone with a brain who is not chronically naive understands that a nuclear terror state endangers world peace in general and Israel in particular. The State of Israel and the prime minister must explain in the streets, in the homes, in the radio stations, on TV, and most importantly, in Congress the dangers of the deal. During this period, one would expect from the heads of the opposition that even if they aren’t willing to be on board, at least they would’t disturb and harm the security of the state. Those who blame Netanyahu for the deal are allowing Obama to avoid responsibility.”

In Israel Hayom, the prime minister is quoted as saying Israel did not commit to “stopping or preventing a deal, certainly not one that the world powers are ready to sign at any price. We are committed to prevent Iran from becoming a nuclear power — and indeed, without our efforts in the past few years, Iran would have long been able to arm itself with atomic bombs. Our commitment was to prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons, and it remains in effect today more than ever.”

Over in Yedioth Ahronoth, the tabloid spotlights several photos of a cheerful Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif on the balcony in Vienna, captioned “laughing all the way to a deal.” Both Yedioth and Israel Hayom also note the “symbolic” location of the hotel in Theodor Herzl plaza.

Meanwhile, in Haaretz, Chemi Shalev predicts a “political Gog and Magog war” between Netanyahu and President Barack Obama, as the prime minister sets out to convince Congress to block the deal.

“The fight would seemingly be tempered: Both sides have too much to lose. Netanyahu can’t allow himself to cut ties entirely with the US administration, which has 18 more months in power, and Obama has no interest in creating an irreversible rift between American Jewry and the Democratic party, especially during an election year. But as the cliche goes, everyone knows how a war starts but not how it ends, particularly for battles between two sides for whom failure is not an option,” he writes.

In a thoroughly unfunny column in Haaretz, satirical writer B. Michael suggests Israel plant one of its nuclear bombs on Iranian soil, if only to prove Netanyahu right.

“My heart goes out to Benjamin Netanyahu. With one cold, cruel stroke of the pen, the rulers of the world have taken away his most beloved toy – the apple of his eye and the joy of his heart, the rock of his existence and the source of his strength, and above all, the rock of his refuge and safe haven. Or in short, the Iranian bomb,” he writes.

Should Israel give Iran the bomb, “everyone will once again be happy. The Iranians, because they have the bomb. The world, because it reached an agreement with the Iranians. And of course Benjamin Netanyahu, who will once again be able to cling to the Iranian bomb, to frighten everyone around him with it and to dream at night about commando operations that will return him to the days of his youth. And when he’s alone at home, he’ll once again be able to stick a cigar in the corner of his mouth, stand in front of the mirror and declaim aloud: “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, sweat and tears” (and for a change, this time, he’ll even be telling the truth).

“And in fact, why deny it? Even I would be a bit calmer. The knowledge that at least one of those 200 bombs of ours had been put into slightly more judicious hands would give me a tiny smidgen of neurotic serenity.”