Parents, creators discuss how to talk to kids about war, hostage crisis
Conference at Jerusalem’s Mandel Leadership Institute includes TV writer Hen Avigdori, whose wife and daughter were released from captivity; ‘Laugh as much as possible,’ he says
Jessica Steinberg, The Times of Israel's culture and lifestyles editor, covers the Sabra scene from south to north and back to the center
The role of culture for Israeli kids during war and at a time of national strife was the subject of a recent one-day conference at Jerusalem’s Mandel Leadership Institute.
The conference speakers included poets and authors, academics and educators, screenwriters and editors, including former Knesset member Ruth Calderon, Bedouin filmmaker Kaid Abu Latif, writer Amir Harish, psychoanalyst Merav Roth, and others.
In his opening article, organizer Mishael Zion wrote about a conversation two of his daughters had in the back seat of the car days after October 7, when his 10-year-old explained the situation to her first-grade sister, comparing the terror attack to the wolf in “Little Red Riding Hood.”
Zion, a Jerusalem rabbi and educator, put together the conference to look at the ramifications of the widespread terror attack and the ongoing hostage situation and war for Israeli kids. He gathered experts to discuss which songs should be the soundtrack for this new stage in Israeli life, and how and should TV, theater, art, books and music respond to the crisis.
During a series of afternoon panels, including conversations with various kinds of creators, one panel of four parents discussed what it’s been like to parent in the last 11 months, and how it has affected their work. “I choose which stories to tell,” said educator and author Hadassa Ben Ari, who has seven children with singer Hanan Ben Ari, from whom she has recently separated. She’s also recently published a book project called “The Heroes of October 7th.”
Her thoughts were echoed by Haredi educator Shuli Abitbul, who is married to author Eden Abitbul of the “The New Black” series. Shuli Abitbul spoke about the difficulties of discussing hostages and war in her close-knit, religious society where there’s much less contact with hostage families and soldiers.
The event’s focus was on Hen Avigdori, whose wife Sharon and daughter Noam were held hostage in Gaza for 50 days and released during a truce deal last November.
Sharon Avigdori’s brother, Avshalom Haran, was killed on October 7 by Hamas terrorists at his home in Kibbutz Be’eri, as seven relatives were taken captive in total, most of whom have since been released.
As Hen Avigdori and his teenage son Omer grappled with the situation in the first days after October 7, “there was nothing to lie about in a situation like that,” he said.
“The deal made was that I wouldn’t hide any information and he wouldn’t hide his feelings,” said Avigdori of the nightly conversations the two would have on their balcony, at the end of each long day. “It’s all intuition.”
Ben Ari spoke about the need to see everyone’s different needs during this time, something she tries to teach her kids. Her seventh-grader was the only kid to wear yellow to represent the hostages on the first day of his religious school when the rest of the class wore blue and white.
The struggle for the hostages has continued at the Avigdori home, as Hen Avigdori, a comedy writer who has worked on popular satire TV shows “Eretz Nehederet” and “The Jews are Coming,” continues to devote his time to the remaining hostages.
“Everybody has a little cloud above their heads,” said Avigdori, who expressed his exhaustion with the ongoing struggle for the captives and goes to weekly protests. He’s often taken to the rallies by his daughter, Noam, who is dedicated to the cause because of Tal Shoham, her cousin’s husband, who is still being held hostage in Gaza.
He recalled his wife and daughter’s welcome back home, where thousands of people lined up the streets of their Hod Hasharon town.
“We had forgotten what it was to smile,” said Avigdori.
His own family had already shared some laughs in the hospital, where his wife and daughter were checked thoroughly after being released. He then shared a final story about how they attempted to return to normal life.
When Avigdori was loading the dishwasher that first night back home, he asked Noam to go around the house to gather stray drinking glasses.
“She said, ‘Excuse me, I just got out of captivity,'” said Avigdori. “I said, ‘Excuse me, I suffered with two of you in captivity,'” and she went to get the cups.
“Humor and escapism aren’t less important than deep conversations,” he said. “Laugh as much as possible.”
