A student at the University of Maryland achieved Internet notoriety this week with a guide on talking to Jewish girls, which he composed upon learning that his fraternity would be paired with a Jewish sorority for the weeklong Greek Week competition.
The “funny, but serious” letter instructed the frat boys on where to say they are from (“New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts” among others), what they major in (business, econ or communication), what music to play (“House is preferable, rap is fine. 90s rock could work, but it would be better if you stuck to house. Country is out, as is normal Rock“) and what to wear (jeans and “graphic t-shirts with words on them are great”).
He further advised his brothers to say they are Jewish if they are Jewish or look like Jews. Those who aren’t Jewish and don’t look it were given two options: “I’m half-jewish but didn’t get bar mitzvahed of anything. My dad is jewish” or “I’m from a really jewish area.”
Suggested topics of conversations with the ladies include how terrible it was to not be able to eat bread during Passover, how exciting Greek Week was, and how overwhelmingly Jewish the fraternity was.
So, did the mini-manual lead the boys to land the girls’, um, hearts?
The sorority definitely had the last word after a member released her own guide on “How to Impress a gentile.”
Hometown? “You are NOT from Long Island. I repeat, NOT from Long Island.”
Topics of conversation? “Let’s take a shot!!!”
Appropriate attire? “Low rise jeans with croptops… or those like really weird like tight sweater tank top turtle necks that are SO not stylish but all those non-Jewish sorority girls seem to be wearing at this point.”
The sorority girl pleaded with her sisters to “avoid all the typical Jewish girl man repellers: leggings, Converse, high waisted jeans with crop tops, Michael Kors zipper heels, Rebecca Minkoff bags.”
She reminded them that they would allmarry Jewish boys one day, herself included, but advised them, in the meantime, to “enjoy the definitely cuter, definitely better-bodied, and definitely dominant religion guys while we can. Go get ‘em ladies.”