An alternative Memorial Day ceremony marks its 20th year. Participants say it’s the future

Liora Eilon, a resident of Kibbutz Kfar Aza, lost her son, Tal Eilon — the commander of the kibbutz’s emergency response squad — during the October 7, 2023, attack in which thousands of Hamas-led terrorists brutally slaughtered some 1,200 people in southern Israel and abducted 251 to the Gaza Strip.

Eilon decided that the greatest vengeance on Hamas for Tal’s death would be to eschew the violent methods used by the terrorists and join the Parents Circle – Families Forum, a far-left coexistence organization that engages in Israeli-Palestinian dialogue and calls for an end to armed conflict between the peoples.

Speaking to The Times of Israel, Eilon explained her choice.

“I was a peace activist for many years until October 7. After October 7, the world around me changed, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it change who I am. I know who I am. We’ve tried wars too many times and it hasn’t worked. I strongly believe in the forum’s slogan, ‘It won’t end until we talk.'”

Twenty years ago, that ethos of dialogue and joint experiences helped spawn an alternative event that takes place annually alongside Israel’s official ceremonies on the Memorial Day for Fallen Soldiers and Victims of Terror. The Parents Circle – Families Forum and another fellow Israeli-Palestinian organization, Combatants for Peace, now annually hold a joint Israeli-Palestinian memorial, which brings together Israelis and Palestinians who have lost loved ones in the conflict.

This year’s ceremony will be held Tuesday evening in Tel Aviv and broadcast at 160 locations across Israel, the Palestinian territories, and around the world.

It has long been controversial among both Jews and Arabs, and there have been attempts to protest or disrupt the ceremony, which, conducted in both Hebrew and Arabic, commemorates Palestinian and Israeli victims side by side.

The organizations have continued their work over the past 19 months under the shadow of the October 7 massacre and the war in Gaza, and the alternative memorial has carried on. But death and loss have made it harder for participants to keep speaking about peace and a shared future as the death toll in Gaza rises and Israel continues to grapple with the aftermath of the deadliest terror attack in its history.

Still, the ongoing war in Gaza has seen some new members. Parents Circle – Families Forum co-CEO Nadine Khamisyeh told The Times of Israel that, along with Jewish Israelis such as Eilon, the group has new Palestinian members who lost many relatives during the IDF’s military campaign against Hamas.

“One member lost about 67 relatives in a single massacre in Gaza,” said Khamisyeh. “It would have been easy for them to walk away from this organization and from this kind of work. But when you hear people who have paid the highest price calling for a shared future and wanting to be heard even more — that’s what keeps me going every day.”

Standing at the crossroads

For Jewish Israeli Eszter Koranyi, co-CEO of Combatants for Peace, the October 7 Hamas-led massacre forced her to take a momentary pause for deep reflection.

“We decided to stay the course on October 8,” said Koranyi. “There was a moment of uncertainty, but it lasted only half a day. We realized that despite the trauma and the horrific surprise of October 7, our mission remains unchanged — and if anything, it’s more necessary than ever.”

Tariq al-Hilu, a 24-year-old from Jericho who joined Combatants for Peace in 2021, also spoke to The Times of Israel about doubts he experienced after October 7 and during the Gaza war.

“On my mother’s side alone, around 100 people were killed in Gaza, not to mention friends in the West Bank who were killed, arrested, or beaten,” he said. “I wondered whether it made sense to stay active in Combatants for Peace. I thought, ‘Does what I do even matter?’ However, there was a meeting and a dialogue with Israelis, during which I learned new things. I decided to return to work. When I heard Israelis expressing regret for the massacres happening in Gaza, wanting to stop the cycle and telling me that my words gave them hope, it gave me hope too.”

The joint memorial ceremony is held in Tel Aviv, and a public broadcast in the village of Beit Jala, near Bethlehem, serves as the central event for Palestinians who can’t enter Israel. Despite the challenges of the last 19 months, organizers report a rise in participation and viewership. Last year’s ceremony, the first held after October 7 and the outbreak of war, drew the largest crowd ever — 15,000 participants. In recent years, about 200,000 people have watched the ceremony online.

Khamisyeh, herself a resident of Bethlehem, noted: “In 2024 alone, we welcomed 80 new members, and already 30 new members have joined the forum this year from both sides. The number of live screening events has also grown — people are gathering to watch together rather than alone online. We’re seeing this phenomenon expand internationally, too.”

Betraying the Palestinian cause

Both sides acknowledge that discussing peace has become increasingly challenging over the past two years.

Ahmad, a Palestinian resident of the Jerusalem area who requested anonymity for his security, joined Combatants for Peace five months ago.

“My immediate family supports coexistence, so it’s not a problem with them,” he said. “However, in wider society, I must be more cautious. It’s not so much for myself, but for the safety of my family. Being seen engaging in dialogue and peacebuilding can invite risks, especially to their reputation.”

Criticism has intensified from both sides: Israelis struggle after the October 7 massacre perpetrated by Hamas; Palestinians reel under the continued devastation of Gaza.

“It’s harder than ever to speak about peace and shared humanity when people are under siege and occupation. Some people are furious with me. Some even call me a traitor to the Palestinian cause,” said Khamisyeh. “However, I also have many supporters, even those who are quiet, who offer me encouragement. They understand that speaking about peace is not surrender; it’s a different way of demanding justice and liberation for Palestinians.”

Koranyi also described dealing with criticism after October 7.

“Just as not all Israelis think the same, not all Palestinians think the same,” she said. “In both societies, there are extreme voices. Just like I don’t identify with what Minister Ben Gvir says, there are Palestinians who don’t identify with what Hamas does. We work with those Palestinians.”

She also said she carefully chooses whom she tells about her work.

“Sometimes, you get surprising reactions,” Koranyi said. “Once, I had a conversation with a religious Zionist couple whose grandson was severely wounded in Gaza. I told them what I do and they showed such humanity and care toward Palestinians — it opened a real dialogue.”

Ahmad said that while it’s easier for him to connect with the Palestinian struggle because it’s a part of his everyday life, the October 7 atrocities complicated things for him emotionally.

“When I realized the extent of what happened, I thought, ‘I want my people to be free, but not like this.’ It was hard seeing the pain among my Israeli friends, too. I was also concerned about the more pain that the response is going to bring,” Ahmad said.

“At the same time, it hurt seeing that pain seems only to matter when it’s Israeli pain,” he said. “For Palestinians, suffering is daily, not something that happens occasionally. We live in a reality of systematic injustice deeply embedded in every aspect of life. I understand why some people, feeling desperate and seeking freedom, might act in such ways, even though I cannot support or stand by every action. The events before, on, and after October 7 have only strengthened my conviction that peace cannot be built on selective empathy.”

This is how Memorial Day should look

One central point of criticism toward the joint ceremony is that it is held on Israel’s official Memorial Day, traditionally dedicated to fallen Israeli soldiers and those who were killed in terror attacks. Some see the commemoration of Palestinians and Israelis together as an affront.

Koranyi has a different perspective: “Ultimately, Israelis aren’t going anywhere, and Palestinians aren’t going anywhere. If we imagine a shared future, it must look like this. Memorial Day should become a day of mourning for both peoples, because this land belongs to both nations.”

From the Palestinian side, the decision to participate in Israel’s Memorial Day is also not simple, since it honors soldiers who may have fallen while battling Palestinians.

Khamisyeh explained how participants overcome this: “What’s special about our members is their dialogue with one another. They listen and respect each other’s narratives. We never ask anyone to forget their pain — we ask them to transform it into something bigger than revenge. Our members mourn together, reminding the world that they are not numbers; they are human beings. All of us.”

Bereaved mother Eilon shared an example of criticism she’s received from her own community in Kibbutz Kfar Aza.

“On October 7, 2024, a year after the massacre, I gave interviews talking about peace. A woman from my kibbutz sent me an angry WhatsApp message, asking how I dared to speak those words when there were still hostages in Gaza. Her anger touched me. I replied that I hoped our community would have space for all voices — hers and mine alike. I have no problem with people who react from a place of pain. If we can look at each other’s pain, there is no conflict,” she said.

Even prior to joining the Parents Circle – Families Forum, Eilon said she found it difficult to identify with the iconography of Israel’s Memorial Day.

“I’ve always recoiled from military symbols,” said Eilon, explaining why the joint ceremony on Memorial Day feels more meaningful to her than the conventional ones.

“After October 7, I lived temporarily for seven months at Reichman University housing. When I left, I gave them the IDF’s ‘box of honors’ that the army had sent after Tal’s death. I left it with a cynical feeling, ‘What do I have to do with this?’ But then, during a farewell ceremony, when I wrote a message of peace and hope in Hebrew and Arabic to accompany the box, it became something of my own. The same applies to this joint ceremony — it reflects my authentic aspiration for peace.”