‘Every day is Memorial Day’ for bereaved siblings of October 7 victims
Brothers and sisters talk about what their lives have been like since their loved ones were killed — at the Supernova rave, in Sderot and in the line of duty
Jessica Steinberg, The Times of Israel's culture and lifestyles editor, covers the Sabra scene from south to north and back to the center
As Israel’s Memorial Day began, followed by the country’s 76th Independence Day, seven months after the Hamas massacre of October 7, several bereaved siblings said at a MediaCentral press conference on Sunday that they feel no sense of national independence this year.
“How independent can we be if we need the permission of the US for everything?” said Aviel Gabbay, whose sister Shani Gabbay was killed at the Supernova desert rave, also commonly known as the Nova. “Where is Israel’s independence? I don’t see it right now.”
Another mourning sibling, Jenny Sividia, who managed to escape the Nova party with her partner while her brother Shlomi Sividia and his girlfriend, Lily Gurevitch, were killed, echoed Gabbay’s words.
“We’re bound to another country and we can’t really defend our people,” said Sividia, referring broadly to the US and global criticism over Israel’s war in Gaza. “If we can’t protect our people the way I think we should, then we’re not independent.”
Gabbay and Sividia; along with Nabih Abu Amer, whose brother, Druze soldier Jawad Amer, was killed stopping a Hezbollah terrorist infiltration from Lebanon on October 9; and Ofir Swisa, whose brother and sister-in-law, Dolev and Odaya Swisa, were killed by Hamas terrorists in Sderot, described their new status as bereaved siblings at Sunday’s press conference, shortly before the national days of mourning and independence.
The conversation didn’t focus on the Israel-US relationship or the ongoing war in Gaza. Instead, the siblings, some of whom were themselves survivors of the October 7 attack, tried to describe what the last few months have been like for them.
They talked about days, weeks and sometimes months of trying to find out what happened to their sibling on that terrifying day, or the painful irony of having a brother killed one week after officially completing four years of army service.
All four discussed how they’re attempting to carry on with their lives now — helping their mourning parents, being available for their orphaned nieces and nephews, while also remembering how their siblings wanted to lead their own lives.
“Shani’s slogan was ‘no time for drama,'” said Gabbay. “She lived her life like every day was her last.”
Sividia described her parents as alternating between feeling bereft over the loss of Shlomi and being thankful that she, their only other child, survived the Nova massacre. They had no idea that both of their adult children were at the festival and only found out on October 8, the following morning.
Shlomi Sividia was considered missing for a week and when his body was finally found, the family was advised not to see it due to its brutalized state. His two sons, ages 3 and nearly 5, now live with their mother, Shlomi’s ex-wife. Jenny Sividia and her two daughters and Jenny’s parents, the boys’ paternal grandparents, visit at least twice a week.
“I was sure my mother wouldn’t make it,” said Sividia. “But as it turned out, they’re both really strong and holding on to what they have, which is me, my daughters and Shlomi’s boys.”
Abu Amer’s brother, Jawad, was killed with two other team members as they warded off a Hezbollah terrorist on October 9. He tried to describe his constant sense of mourning as he talked about his younger brother’s wide smile and laugh, and how he was “like a half twin.”
“I never imagined that one day I wouldn’t see his smile again or hear his laugh again,” he said. “Losing him was hard and Memorial Day will be the hardest ever and the most powerful because my brother gave his life to protect everyone.”
Shani Gabbay, 25, was a law school graduate, dog lover and festival-goer who was considered a hostage for 47 days until the ongoing police investigation uncovered her DNA on a necklace buried with another woman.
Gabbay ran from the Nova festival when the terrorists arrived, first trying to hide in a field shelter with two friends whose legs were blown off by a grenade, then running back to her car, where she was shot twice in her left leg.
She eventually made her way back to the festival grounds, where she tried to evade the terrorists, and ended up hiding in an ambulance. The ambulance was attacked with grenades and an anti-tank missile that turned the vehicle into an inferno that incinerated 18 people including Gabbay, their bodies burned beyond recognition and some of them fused.
It was nearly six weeks later that the Gabbay family was informed that their daughter’s body had been accidentally buried with another woman’s body.
Months later, another portion of her body was found in the grave of Elyakim Libman, another Nova victim who was considered a hostage until his body was found, also mistakenly buried with the remains of another victim.
“I think each one of those 18 people were buried with someone else from that ambulance,” said Aviel Gabbay, who now wears his sister’s necklace.
Another bereaved sibling, Ofir Swisa, described his October 7 in Sderot, when his brother and his sister-in-law, Dolev and Odaya Swisa, tried to leave the city as sirens sounded, not realizing the scope of the Hamas attack. They were both shot by terrorists while in their car, their young daughters cowering in the backseat.
Swisa’s sister-in-law tried in vain to escape with the help of Amer Odeh Abu Sabila, a Bedouin construction worker, who attempted to bring her and the two young girls to safety at the Sderot police station, without knowing that terrorists had taken it over. Abu Sabila was also killed.
It was only hours later that the two little girls, ages 6 and 3, were extracted from the floor of the car, where they were hiding.
“Every day is impossible with the girls, there’s always something,” said Swisa, describing his nieces’ fear of pickup trucks and mopeds, of riding on the highway, of nearly anything that reminds them of that day. His mother is in deep mourning and his father has Alzheimer’s and has to be reminded over and over of their loss.
“We didn’t believe we would ever become a bereaved family because of terrorism,” said Swisa. “Who could imagine something like this happening?”
Sividia said she hasn’t visited her brother’s grave since he was buried, since “every day is Memorial Day,” but will visit Tuesday as a way of marking Independence Day.
“We’re real victims, our story is real, even as October 7 is being denied all over the world,” said Sividia. “You see me? You see Shlomi? We’re real.”
The Times of Israel Community.