IS guide touts ‘plush holiday resort’

Join the Islamic State — we have chocolate, a 46-page travel e-book published online Monday by a British jihadist implored its Western readers.

“A Brief Guide to the Islamic State’ [2015],” penned by UK-born Abu Rumaysah, gushingly portrays the Islamic State’s brutal regime as a zeppelin-flying, “cosmopolitan,” group, languishing on a utopian “plush holiday resort.”

“If you thought London or New York was cosmopolitan then wait until you step foot in the Islamic State, because it screams diversity,” it boasts without irony, according to The Independent.

The document makes no mention of women.

“The country has also become a magnet for talent. It has been successful in recruiting skilled professionals that are crucial for state building. Scholars, judges, preachers, soldiers, doctors,” it says.

As for food, there are a number of “scrumptious” options, it promises, including kebabs and falafel.

“Snickers, Kit Kat, Bounty, Twix, Kinder Surprise, Cadburys – yes, yes we have it all.”

The scenery is “breathtaking,” it notes, and the area, though admittedly hot, “has all the makings of a plush holiday resort.”

As for transportation, the guide says the Islamic State aims to build trains, ships, and planes “but everything is on the table: zeppelins, hovercrafts, trams [and] microlites.”

Conscientious readers of the travel guide, who may have already begun packing their bags for the ethnically diverse, futuristic and chocolate-rich oasis, may, however, be put off by its abrupt and aggressive conclusion.

“When we descend on the streets of London, Paris and Washington the taste will be far bitterer, because not only will we spill your blood, but we will also demolish your statues, erase your history and, most painfully, convert your children who will then go on to champion our names and curse their forefather.”