Sentenced to death by politics

It’s been 60 odd years since Ricky told Lucy she had some ‘splaining to do, but suddenly that sliver of a word is once again in vogue, overused as the most popular suffix to dismiss somebody’s argument as simply being outside the bounds of understanding because of their lack of ethnic, gender or other identification.

Now to add to the pantheon of mansplaining, catsplaining, femsplaining, goysplaining and Jewsplaining, Israel’s Ziosplaining media has two new(ish) iterations: leftsplaining and rightsplaining.

With coalition talks between Likud and Yisrael Beytenu expected to wrap up within hours, according to the papers Monday (never mind the fact they said the same thing a day ago), and with the Knesset getting back in session, lefty Haaretz and centristy Yedioth Ahronoth both focus on the right’s expected introduction of a number of right-wing wishlist legislative measures (“And now: Pushing forward the right’s bills,” reads Yedioth’s A1 headline) while righty Israel Hayom tried to set the left-wing Zionist Union straight on why it is in such disarray.

Haaretz leads off its paper with a headline reporting that a bill legislating for a death penalty for terrorists, being pushed by Yisrael Beytenu as a pre-requisite for joining the coalition, will not apply to Jews.

The sourcing for the story is thinner than the bill’s chances of making it through the Knesset, coming from one unnamed, untitled “Likud source.”

The source explains in the item that the bill will avoid catching terrorist Jews in its net by only applying to military courts.

“Military courts are the ones that deal with Palestinians accused of terrorist offenses, while Jews are generally judged in civilian court,” the source is quoted saying.

The paper’s editorial page makes plain its unhappiness not only with the selectivity of the measure, but also over the move as a whole, though it does note that the legislative change will be only on paper so long as the military prosecution continues to never seek the death penalty.

“Aside from the discrimination the government is seeking to promote, the very fact that this demand to allow capital punishment, whether by military or civilian courts, is even being discussed in principle ought to worry us. Morally, this is a shocking punishment: A state is taking a life in the name of its citizens,” the editorial reads. “The claim that the state ought to have the authority to put terrorists to death by court order also leads to support for executions motivated by revenge. This is the road to moral degeneration, ending in a violent, undemocratic society that lacks the rule of law.”

Sure it may spell doom for society, but think of the ratings if you do execute terrorists live on TV, writes Asaf Nouriel in a tongue-in-cheek column on Yedioth’s op-ed page. But how should we off them? So many choices.

“Israel’s becoming a gas powerhouse, maybe that’s the way, with all its historic connotations and a poetic closing of the circle. The Jews are settling scores with the descendants of those who came up with the Final Solution, which is obviously the mufti,” he writes. “We can also crucify them. Nah, let’s not get tangled up in that, it took us 2,000 years to get rid of that lie, let’s not start it again. Maybe lethal injection? Eh, not great. Too American. We don’t need to follow every trend that comes to us from across the sea.”

Yet as fun as it is, the death penalty is just one of a slew of right-wing measures that will see their day in the sun with the inclusion of Yisrael Beytenu in the coalition, according to Yedioth. Under the heading “Coming storms,” the paper lists a series of controversial (read: hated by the left) bills expected to make their way forward as lawmakers get back to work, many of which got stuck in the last session, including the MK suspensions bill, which Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu tried and failed to push through quickly.

The list also includes the NGO bill, a bill banning NGOs from aiding Knesset electioneering, a bill returning funding to ultra-Orthodox schools that don’t teach core secular subjects, a bill banning business on Shabbat and a bill banning Conservative and Reform use of public ritual baths for conversions.

While getting those through would have involved a bruising battle last time around, with 66 MKs, should Yisrael Beytenu join, pushing them through will be as easy peasy as beating the stuffing out of an Arab worker at a supermarket for no reason.

“Netanyahu, should he want to push through these laws, won’t be beholden to the vote of this or that rebel in the coalitions ranks, as he was in the last session when the coalition was just 61 members,” the paper reports.

Even without a death penalty, it seems Zionist Union leader Isaac Herzog is being marched in front of his party’s execution squad without even the benefit of a last cigarette. Israel Hayom, doing little to hide its schadenfreude over the disarray in the left flank of Israeli politics, puts on a masterclass of rightsplaining what went wrong and what should be done (tl:dr – give up and become rightists).

Describing the scene as a “battle by everyone over everything in Labor,” the paper quotes a series of politicians who boycotted a Labor conference. “I feel betrayed and we all feel betrayed, take that into account,” MK Itzik Shmuli is quoted saying.

Columnist Dan Margalit piles on, writing that Herzog’s decision to hold the talks in secret, and then refusing to step down when the gambit failed, “is not done,” though he also strikes out at other problems with politicians acting like politicians, calling the system byzantine and writing again and again that something is not right with the country.

Columnist Haim Shine lays it on even thicker, but focuses his anger not at the political system but at Shmuli and his cohort of hated leftists, who he claims just don’t get it.

“For years the left, which was cobbled together by democratic values, has forgotten the essence of democracy. The sovereign in a democracy is the people. Everyone is able to have the right to pick a leader,” he writes. “And Israelis have made clear with a significant majority that they want a right-wing regime. The left isn’t able to and doesn’t want to accept what was decided in free elections. The left’s issues come from the basic fact that you can’t change who the nation is.”