A father forgives the friend who accidentally killed his daughter, inspiring others to reconcile

Yudi Herzberg recalled the horror he felt on June 2, when his wife called him, hysterical, saying that Charlotte had been hit by a car while she was out riding her bike near the family’s home in Monsey, New York.

He said he arrived several minutes later, somewhat relieved to see two close friends from the neighborhood, both volunteers with the Hatzolah Jewish emergency medical service, on the scene.

But as Herzberg approached, one of them, his study partner of seven years, looked away in shame.

“Suddenly everything clicked,” Herzberg told The Times of Israel. “He was the driver who had hit her.”

The juxtaposition floored him.

“I was completely lost at that point. It didn’t make any sense to me,” Herzberg recalled. “How could it be that this great person and incredible friend was responsible for this? I couldn’t fathom what was happening, but I understood that, for whatever reason, this was a challenge sent from Hashem,” a Hebrew name for God.

But rather than allowing the tragedy to destroy their friendship, Herzberg embraced his grieving friend. That decision has since inspired thousands around the world to reconcile broken relationships.

In memory of Charlotte, remembered for her infectious smile and boundless energy, more than 2,600 people have now committed to letting go of grudges and reconciling arguments, according to the website Herzberg created, shalomforcharlotte.com. Herzberg is making a new push to commemorate his daughter’s legacy through unity ahead of the Tisha B’Av holiday this week, which marks the downfalls of the First and Second Temples, which some root in communal strife.

“I understood that Hashem was testing us to see if we could withstand the temptation to succumb to fighting and conflict,” Herzberg told The Times of Israel in a phone conversation. “I felt that if we can embrace shalom [peace] in the face of this tragedy, we can pass this test.”

In the wake of the tragedy and even before leaving for the hospital, Herzberg walked over to his friend and embraced him warmly.

“I wanted to let him know that this wasn’t going to destroy the close bond we had built over the years,” he said. The friend was speechless.

The incident was later ruled accidental. At the hospital, doctors told him they wouldn’t be able to save Charlotte. He left, crushed, but on the way home, he insisted on visiting his friend again.

“I knew he was beating himself up, and I wanted him to know that I don’t blame him for anything,” Herzberg said. “So I stopped by his house, went into his room, and gave him a hug. He couldn’t look at me. He was completely distraught, a total wreck. Later, I found out he wouldn’t be able to sleep for days.”

At a widely attended funeral the next day, Herzberg described Charlotte’s smile and happiness before turning to what everyone expected him to address.

“I had to address the elephant in the room,” he said. “So I spoke about the test that God was giving us, tempting us to fight, and I said that, if we could use this to bring more unity and peace, we would pass the test.”

His speech went viral, with videos shared widely through Orthodox Jewish communities. During the seven-day shiva mourning period, people started to share stories about how it inspired them to forgive others.

“Someone told me that a person he had gotten into a fight with 40 years ago reached out to make peace,” Herzberg said. “Another person told me about a woman who hadn’t spoken with her parents in years, and after she heard about this, she went over to them and let her mother hold her baby for the first time.”

After the shiva, Herzberg created the Shalom for Charlotte website, encouraging people to resolve their petty arguments. As of this week, more than 2,630 people have shared stories of how they’ve forgiven family members, business partners, and old friends.

“After nearly seven years without speaking, I finally called my brother,” one submission said. “We talked for over an hour.”

Another person wrote that he finally forgave a “selfish parent” who had him removed from his high school 30 years ago. “I’m writing this with shaking hands… [but] This popped up on my phone again tonight… and I said ok I’m ready to bury the hatchet of hatred.”

Since then, the 37-year-old Herzberg, who has five remaining children between the ages of 12 and three months, has been working on spreading the word of his newfound crusade. And he continues to study Torah every day with his friend, he said.

Charlotte’s story has been broadly disseminated in ultra-Orthodox Jewish media in the US, Herzberg says, and he is now working on getting similar exposure in Israeli media.

“I know Israel is a complicated place,” he said, “but all of the issues we have, on the personal and national levels, I think they are all because we haven’t made the peace we need to make with others. This is the legacy that Charlotte has left behind.”